Over the Thanksgiving holidays, why not take the family to our nation’s capital and check out what’s happening at the National Animatronic Kiosk in Washington D.C.? Just drop in a buck, touch the button on the screen, and after a few seconds of buzzing and whirring, a hologram of one of America’s favorite actors pops into view. Look– it’s Martin Sheen.       Let’s watch:

Happy Thanksgiving to the United States of America! Our citizens allow themselves almost unlimited cultural and discretionary choices. We are also supposed to accept and tolerate natural conditions and distinctions that may affect your progress. By requiring next to nothing, we include just about everything! Rock ‘n’ roll? Included. Flaky pastry and delicious filling? There’s some right over here. The Possum Goddess Fellowship of the Thirteen Exalted Teats? Just down the street. A thoughtful alternative to the angry-white-god-in-the-sky crowd. Well, more like down the street and over a couple of blocks. Brain-dead morons hopelessly lost in a DEVO time-trap wilderness? Unfortunately, we’ve got them too. See, the beauty of America is, we’re not in the establishment business, so you can pretty much take any road you want.

We hope you don’t remain ignorant, easy prey to those wishing to manipulate and exploit you, but you are free to be foolish if that sounds good. Global warming? Do we have global warming? Miles of coastline, longer summers, pretty girls, ’nuff said. The ’57 Ford Fairlane 500? Part of the permanent collection. How about that all-new Camaro? Better believe it. You might just see Vice President Biden making tracks around D.C. in his Imperial Blue Metallic 426 V8 with the RS Package and Cyber Gray Rally Stripes. Nice.

Hey – we have it all, although not quite as much as we used to, and for that we should all give thanks. And by the way, if we don’t have it, you can either order it, or start it yourself. Easy credit terms are usually available. Ask for Tim in Treasury.

Is this a country or what?

America is a self-governing community of free and equal individuals, and we respect and encourage your contribution. Now, you know, if you’re different – and the line between individual and different is sometime a thin one – you could be made fun of. Heck, the whole planet knows Americans are always ready with a wisecrack and a good-natured prank. That’s just how we are. And from time to time, some of us let the profit motive get a little out of hand, and the Congress is supposed to keep an eye out for that. But things work best if we all live by this simple rule: if your mom wouldn’t appreciate it, stop doing it, say you’re sorry, and clean it up.

Thursday marks the anniversary of what is generally considered the original Thansgiving celebration at Plymouth Plantation in Massachusettes in 1621. 155 years later, the colonies would declare their independence and become the United States. On this celebration of unselfishness, compassion, and community remember to always play fair and watch where you step so we can all enjoy the same rights and opportunities. And please don’t forget our brave soldiers far from home. This has been Martin Sheen for the United States of America. Happy Thanksgiving to all, and thanks for your support.

(Holographic display of Whoopi Goldberg appears) As a Thanksgiving gift to you from the United States, please accept this recyclable souvenir bag with laminated wallet-sized photo of President and Mrs.Obama, $10 gift certificate to Target, library card application, complimentary CD – The National Recording Registry Presents “Twanglers, Janglers, and Wranglers: Golden Age Western Swing & Red Hot Rockabilly Favorites,” We’re Going Green! enamel lapel pin (made in China), coupon for a free hot dog at any national sporting event, and 3×5 card with this printed  acknowledgment:

NOTE:  These expectations represent ideal conditions. Your results                                   may vary. If your experience fails to reflect those described,                                   please see Constitution for details.

Reverbo                                                                                                                                                                         Critic-At-Large